Flash Fiction - Why Am I Doing This?
As she stood alone admiring herself in the mirror in this ridiculously expensive wedding gown, she couldn't help but wonder, "Why am I doing this?"
Evelyn knew with everything that was in her that she should not be in this place at this time wearing this dress about to marry this man. But what could she do now? He proposed and she said yes because, after all isn't that what you do when someone proposes? You say yes. A man presents you with a ring (which was probably stolen or once belonged to someone else because it didn't even come in a pretty velvet box) and asks you marry him (after just having a huge argument) aren't you supposed to say yes?
Ignoring the fact that up until that morning they had never, not once even discussed getting married. No conversation about what their future plans were. No discussions about common goals. No questions about money or finances or anything. But here she was.
Forget about the fact that not one single member of his family was present. Not to mention the fact that when he took her home to meet them, and announced that they were getting married and his sister said, "How can you get married when you are already married?" Justin easily explained that away by saying, "I'm not married! Me and Dee are divorced." That was good enough for Evelyn. It really wasn't but she didn't want to believe that the man she was involved with would lie about still being married.
But still that did bother her. Wouldn't his own sister know if he were divorced or not? She couldn't shake the feeling that there was something to it. So she asked Justin to produce the divorce papers. She needed some peace of mind and those papers would put her at ease. Initially, he scoffed at the idea of producing the papers. He didn't have them, he said. Dee filed while he was overseas he said. She had the papers in Chicago, he said. So Evelyn countered with the fact that he would have received a copy and he needed to produce that copy in order for her to be satisfied. Period. She kept bugging him until, finally, one day when she picked him up from work he handed her a single sheet of paper -- a fill-in-the-blank form of some type which read "divorce decree" or something like that. She couldn't remember now because once she read it (while she was driving) he said, "Are you happy now?" snatched it out of her hand, crumpled it up and threw it out the car window.
Not to mention also that on the marriage license on the blank that asked about previous marriages he put "none."
And the cherry on the sundae was when Evelyn's own mother told her just a few short weeks before the wedding that she didn't have to go through with it if she didn't want to. Mothers always know. But Evelyn assured her mother that she loved Justin and this is what she wanted to do.
Except it wasn't what she wanted to do. She stood in the back room of this beautiful church looking in the mirror cursing the day she ever accepted the proposal. She cursed every decision she had ever made in life that brought her to this point. She hated the fact that she was shown every single red flag that ever existed and still here she was about to make the biggest mistake of her life.
Only she didn't know that this was just the tip of the iceberg. She had no idea how huge this mistake actually was and how it would affect her for decades to come. She didn't know that in just a few short months she would become pregnant with her first child -- a boy. She also didn't know that she would also discover the truth that Justin was, in fact, still married to his first wife. She didn't know that this news would lead to her deciding to get an annulment of the marriage after 5 months.
She had no idea that even though she would go on to deliver a healthy baby, marry again and have a second child and divorce again that her decision to walk down the aisle that first time would have long lasting devastating effects on her life and future relationships.
A knock at the door brought her back to the present. "It's time, honey," said her father. Evelyn looked at herself in the mirror one last time. She squared her shoulders and whispered to herself, "You can do this."