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© 2018 Michele Matthews

Waiting for the Call

January 30, 2020

 

 

We have reached the end of the first month of the new year.  How was it for you?   It was a bit rocky for me.  I’m sure many of you, like me, started the new year – the new decade – with high expectations.  We came in excited and ready to go.  What happens though when an unexpected wrench gets thrown in and completely derails all of your big plans?

 

I’ll tell you what happens.

 

In December 2019, I began to experience some symptoms that had me concerned me.  I won't go into details but the symptoms were enough to give me pause.  I’m healthy and I know my body however, these symptoms confused, and if I’m being honest – scared me.  I did two things:  (1) I made a doctor's appointment and (2)  in this age of technology I did what most of us do – I went online and researched my symptoms (big mistake).  I saw a list of things my symptoms could be, and I immediately went to the bottom of the list which was the worst-case scenario … and the worry and the fear increased exponentially.

 

The initial doctor's appointment turned into an entire month of visits to doctor’s offices and hospitals and being subjected to the most invasive and painful procedures I could imagine.   I was in a daze the entire month.  Everything stopped.  I couldn’t focus on anything else.  Not my job, not my side business, not my family – I was there but I was not present because in my mind all I could think of was, “What if?” 

 

What if it is the worst?  How am I going to tell my children?  It’s strange how my immediate thought was how was I going to get my kids through this?  January 2020 was all about getting my affairs in order.  That surprised me.  If someone came to me in this situation, the advice that I would have given would not look like anything that I actually did.  My advice would be more along the lines of:  Stay strong!  Have faith!   You’ll be fine!

 

I was afraid – which is normal and after going through this my advice would be to feel whatever it is you are feeling.  It’s okay.  If there is anything good coming from this situation, it would be that I think it will allow me to be more compassionate toward someone else who is facing the same situation.  I hope so.

 

On January 28, 2020 I received all my test results and they are as follows:

 

We are happy to inform you that the pathology result from your recent procedure came back negative (benign).

 

So, I’m fine.  I don’t have an answer as to what is going on, but I’m no longer afraid.  It will probably take a minute to get re-focused on all the things that I have going on and I’ll get there.

I am filled with so much gratitude.  Coincidentally, (of course there are no coincidences) January was also the month that my church recognizes as the month of prayer.  So, I spent many, many hours in prayer.  Praying gives me so much comfort and prayer was the reason that I didn't literally shut down completely while waiting for the results.  I knew that God was with me all month long, and that no matter the outcome, he would continue to be with me. 

 

I learned a valuable lesson in January:  fear and faith can coexist.  Fear is a normal, human emotion.  It's a feeling ... and feelings are not facts.  I can experience fear and it is my faith that allows me to keep going in spite of the fear.  That was huge for me.

 

I don’t know about you but I’m looking forward to February.

 

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