Thirty Days



When did you know that you were grown-grown? I don’t mean grown. I mean grown-grown. Only people who are actually grown-grown, know exactly what I’m talking about.


As I journey to 56, I can’t help but look back and reflect on the road that got me to this point. When I was 17 and moved to Boston for college, I thought I was grown. Chronologically, I suppose I was. I was a high school graduate and I wasn’t under my parent’s roof, however, they were still paying the bills and responsible for me albeit from afar. Less than two years later, I was back under their roof.


Clearly, I was not grown.


When I was 20 I once again moved out of my parent’s house and into my own apartment. Surely, I was grown then. I was working two jobs, I had my own car and my name on a lease. I was absolutely an adult – but grown? I don’t think so.


I define being grown as a person who is an adult who manages their life in a responsible way. I define being grown-grown as a person who is not only an adult who manages their life in a responsible way but also manages to do it after experiencing trauma or adversity.


So, at 20, I was absolutely an adult. But I was not managing my life in a responsible way. I was living paycheck to paycheck. I was already in debt because when I was in college I applied for and received a bunch of store credit cards that were already maxed out. I had no idea what my credit looked like because my mind wasn’t even thinking about a credit report. I was just skipping through life making one mistake after another pretending to be grown. The hole that I was digging for myself was getting deeper and deeper and it would take almost two decades to get out.


Still not grown.


At 25, I married the first wrong man.

At 26, I gave birth to my son.

At 29, I married the second wrong man.

At 30, I gave birth to my daughter.

At 37, I was twice divorced with two small children, making very little money and trying to figure out how I was going to stand on my own two feet.


At this point, I was grown.


At 38, I bought my first home and when I got those keys and moved my little family in – I knew that I was grown-grown. My focus was no longer on me and pretending to be grown. Every mistake and misstep had brought me to this point and I was still standing. I was still strong and getting stronger every single day. My focus was on making a good life for my children. My focus was on survival and doing everything in my power to make sure that we did survive. And we did. Now we are thriving.

Featured Posts
Recent Posts
Archive
Search By Tags
Follow Us
  • Facebook Basic Square
  • Twitter Basic Square
  • Google+ Basic Square

Follow Michele :

  • Facebook Clean Grey
  • Twitter Clean Grey
  • Instagram Clean Grey
  • YouTube Clean Grey

© 2018 Michele Matthews