Twenty Eight Days

I used to believe that I had a love-hate relationship with social media. I loved it because it is a great way to stay connected to people. I hated it because it seemed that everyone was either trying to sell me something or make me believe that their “amazing” lives were real. It all seemed so superficial and fake.

Sometimes I get in a funk and just stay off socials all together. Then there are other times (like now) when I am fully engaged.

What I realized was that it was not a love-hate relationship at all. It was the imposter syndrome. Believing I have something of value to say but not believing that anyone would care. Fearful that people would figure out that I am not anything special and my words do not really mean anything. Believing that I am a fraud and fearful that other people figure it out too. Fearful of the criticism that follows anyone who gets “too big”.

Imposter syndrome is real. Just like trauma is real and depression is real. And one of the best ways to combat those things is to recognize those feelings are real, allow yourself to feel them, investigate why you’re feeling them, and then be kind to yourself in the process of combating those feelings.

I believe I have something to say and although my words may not impact millions (yet), they can impact one or two people right now. I believe that God has given me an assignment and until I decide to accept the assignment and walk in it, I will continue to be right where I am: not believing in myself to do the things that God wants me to do.

I know for sure that I have to focus on doing the things that I like to do for ME. Not for attention or for a specific response – just for me. Consistency is the key to any kind of success. I know this – I’ve been telling fitness clients this for years, and when it comes to fitness, I have no problems with being consistent because I want to be healthy for ME.

In other words, our intent determines our outcome. I used to tell my clients that they should never focus on losing weight, but to focus on being healthy. Focusing on weight loss may cause a person to do whatever it takes, healthy or not, to shed pounds. That strategy may lead to a lower number on the scale but only temporarily. When we focus on being healthy, the weight loss will follow naturally and the number on the scale will go down and stay down.

I am 28 days away from being 56. I have something to say and I know someone needs to hear it but they never will if I’m hiding in the shadows pretending that I’m not special enough to share. I will not go another year in silence. I can't.

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